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Our Home Ed Stories

Our Home Ed Stories Post New Entry

Promises to keep...

Posted by Anne B on March 31, 2014 at 9:10 AM

We're coming up to Madam's 5 year full-time HE anniversary, and today she found my last 5 year diary, which covers the period when we were navigating a somewhat traumatic school exit and was reading it and smiling at how far she'd come and as she spotted the promises I'd made her when we started out. Looking at them, I thought they might be worth resurrecting here.

1) I will not patronise you. If you've done well, I will tell you, if you haven't, I'll also tell you.

2) All I will ever ask is that you do the best you can. If I know you haven't, then I will give it back to you for a 'do-over'.

3) There will be no make-work. If you've mastered something, you won't do it to death. If you haven't, we'll keep going till you have.

4) I will be harder on you than any teacher will ever be because I know what you're capable of. I will, however, provide hot chocolate with marshmallows and squirty cream and biscuits when days are tough.

5) You will not enjoy all the work you will be doing. Life isn't like that. Get used to it. BUT there will be time in every learning day to learn about things that interest you. You simply have to do what I want first.

6) Wherever possible we will find real examples of what you're learning.

7) If we're both bored, we'll find a better way.

8 I love you. Always remember that. Even when I want to wring your neck, it's because I love you and know that you are so much better than you are currently being. While there's stuff you need to work on, being loved doesn't depend on it and it never will.

9) I will mess up sometimes. I will be grouchy and irritable and there will be days when nothing goes right. I will not be able to read your mind, so we will have to keep learning to work together. I promise I will say I'm sorry if I realise I was wrong, and I expect you to do the same, even if it does take a few days for you to calm down.

 Madam flexi-home-edded from the end of the first half term of reception to the end of the Easter term of Year 4, then went full time HE. Monster never managed more than 2 hours a day at school because of staffing issues and fundamental incompatibilities and was effectively home ed from the start, so this is my 7th year of having a full time HE child and my 9th year of home ed. 

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Reply Still Waters
6:29 PM on June 26, 2014 
Thank you so much for sharing this Anne.
I was sitting reading this while listening to my son recording todays diary into dragon on his ipad, I have learned he is still worrying but now not only about school but about how much extra work it will be for me. Although he is worried he isn't stressing and is very relaxed which is good progress in itself.
I have now chosen to not expect anything work wise and only do social and fun things with him besides his therapy sessions.
I will be keeping the recordings of how bad it got last week safely away to remind myself when i doubt why I have removed him from school.
Reply TigerMeow
5:45 PM on April 2, 2014 
What a brilliant list!
Reply Anne B
12:31 PM on April 1, 2014 
She was so wound up and terrified that she'd do it wrong and be in trouble that I put it in writing and pinned it to the wall. With both mine it's just easier to make things that clear at the beginning because one worries about stuff you wouldn't even have thought of and the other goes through life like a small tank and sees sanctions and lectures as the price tag for living his own way.
Reply Karen
5:07 AM on April 1, 2014 
I like this list, particularly the last two which are good for life generally not just HE. I knew I had to learn not to get frustrated and snap if S didn't 'get it,' as long as she was trying. I had to learn to try a different approach and allow her to say she didn't get it as many times as she wanted. This was one of our unwritten agreements. We never got as far as writing any down.
Reply EmmaH
3:53 AM on April 1, 2014 
I like your list Anne - I might copy it!